I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
