How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
