I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
