How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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