did you get engaged???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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