I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
