I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
