hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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