there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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