Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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