...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
