"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
