everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
