I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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