I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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