So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
