Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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