I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
