it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's blow job season.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
