Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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