is your mom at the bar?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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