I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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