The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
