look no pants
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
