Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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