I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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