So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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