The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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