sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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