I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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