He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
