I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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