so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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