Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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