Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
