Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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