i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
