Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
