Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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