you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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