when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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