this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
