Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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