ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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