if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
