i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
