like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
