i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
