3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your face is a jimmy john
only if we run a train.
done.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
