i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
