You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
