just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
