He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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