I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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