just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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