I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
