you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
