Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
