I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
