Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
