i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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