I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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