So drunk its hurt
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
