You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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