Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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