I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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