I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
