Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
