that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
