what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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