I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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