I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
