Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
