just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's the barista slut.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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