Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh god it's open bar.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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